As much as I dread that I have to move back in with my father, as much as I'm afraid that it'll risk my mental health, that I'll transform back into the 16 year old girl who couldn't stand up for herself. As much as these fears haunt me - I'm also kind of glad. It may allow me to focus on establishing eating habits and routines again.
I developed me ED under that roof and I know that I can perfectly hide it. But it can't get as out of control as it does when you're the only one checking the fridge. And I also kind of feel that the identity thing set something in motion.
M said something ever so helpful. I was so afraid that other ED'ed people might judge me for actively jumping into this mess. But she said: "Healthy people see pro Ana and judge it for the bullshit that it is. But if there is already something wrong with you, if you already have a glitch in your brain, it seems appealing to you."
(Sorry, M, for raping your words like this. But they meant a lot to me!)
Moving my first things to my Dad's tomorrow.
xoxo
Kiwi
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