Re-collared

Hello world,

This is so true. It's actually always bothered me that my ex didn't like the song and never sang along. It always dropped my mood. So when I saw this just now, I cracked up.

forget what I said earlier. That's not accurate anymore.

What happened?

I talked to AD, that's what happened. And as usual, He makes me feel better. We've talked for quite a while, I won't bother you with the details. We have been having issues for around two weeks now and we've been unable to get back on track. Something had changed and we needed to figure out what it was. I think we were able to put a finger on it today, and now it's all about fixing it.

What's happened? Well. A weird mix of withdrawal while simultaneously looking for closeness on my part. Along with doubts and negative thoughts. To sum it up: Not a good combination.

AD said something extremely true and important, and I saved it to always remember:

You don't have to work out what I might do. Work on what I have or haven't done.

It's a bit out of context - but I wasn't really submitting these days while simultaneously complaining that He wasn't Domming me. I set us up for failure, I see that now. Expecting something He impossibly could master.

He made me take off His necklace (did I tell you guys that I wear a necklace/collar 24/7?). Then He asked if I was ready to have Him use it again.

Yes, Sir - I want to be Yours, with everything that goes with it.

It's a little action. But it carries such a heavy weight, so much symbolism. It's beyond words how I felt the few seconds without that necklace. And how much better I feel now that it's back in place. And that we both re-confirmed that He is my Dom and I am His sub.

And He is so right - I was worrying too much about what He might do, and didn't remember who I was talking to. This is AD, for god's sake. He's never given me the slightest reason to mistrust Him or doubt Him. He's never made a promise He couldn't keep or bullshitted me, He's not playing me, He's never judged me. He's always put my best interest first.

I need to remember that. And I do.

I had cereal for lunch. And I promised AD I'll have soup for dinner. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't miserable after lunch - my body was rebelling. I was sick, I felt like throwing up, my stomach was bloated. But that's passed. I am still terribly cold, and I am drinking tea to make me feel better.

I also took care of a lot of things I've been procrastinating for weeks. Made a few phone calls, wrote a few emails. I prolonged the deadline for a term paper that was due today (and I haven't even started) - the teacher told me it's no problem, I can hand it in after christmas. I'll get to it next week.

As for today: There are a lot of cleaning chores I've put off. Kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom - I don't think my apartment has any other rooms. I will clean them all, and then I will sit in my reading chair and read. And I will enjoy life.

xoxo

Kiwi