Autumn leaves

I love the colors come to life. The trees in red and yellow. Leaves on the ground. In the air.
A cold breeze tucking at your hair. The sun warm on your skin. This special autumn-warmth. The sky a clear blue.

I try to concentrate on that. I really do. But it's hard when everything around me reminds me of AD. And when the scarf around my neck can't conceal the fact that there is something missing: my necklace. My collar. My safe haven.
It's hard to find my way back. To look out for myself again. To be on my own again.

Not knowing is killing me. I need answers. What happened? Is he alright? Safe? - And why did he lie to me? Is there something else he lied about? Was any of it real?