Hello world,
so let's try again. As I mentioned, I got to talk to AD. Another topic we touched was my tattoo. I've always liked tattoos, but not enough to want to have one myself. And I never knew what motive to get, because (let's face it) most are not very original. And seeing someone have 'family' tattooed on his arm makes me roll my eyes. Or butterflies. Or stars. Or musical scores. This is so mainstream 'I want to be individual' that it makes me raise my eyebrows and go like 'seriously?'.
But I came up with the perfect tattoo for me, and I really want it. As I mentioned in one of my first posts, I am a Wordie. It's a word that I came up with together with AD when we were looking for a term to describe me. It's linked to the term 'foodie', and it doesn't exist. But I love it.
Originally, I wanted to have a tattoo at the back of my neck that just very simply said
'wordie n.
a person who ...'
- but I couldn't come up with a definition that was both accurate, not boring, slightly witty and funny. Well, the perfect definition, that is. I just can't come up with it. And I struggled so hard that AD and I came up with a joke that I would end up with a tattoo like
'wordie n.
well, you get the idea'
and have that tattoo cover all of my back because there are so many definitions. - See how desperate I am?
But: I've made peace with the idea of not coming up with a perfect definition. And that's fine. I settled for another idea instead: have 'wordie' on the inside of my right wrist in cursive handwriting, some nice font that does not look like the usual tattoo-script. I've actually looked at some fonts online and found one I like, and I'd love to ask a tattoo artist to convert it into a tattoo design to look at it, hang it over my bed and sleep over it a couple of weeks. Then go there and get it done.
But guess what? I have a Dom. And He does not want me to rush into it. He is fine with the idea of me getting a tattoo - of me getting this tattoo, to be more specific. Because it suits me, it's a physical representation of the essence of my being. I also love it because we came up with it together.
So that's another reason why I want it. It will always remind me of that time. Of Him. Not in a 'Oh AD'-swooning kind of way, but rather reminding me of how He set things in motion, encouraged me to embrace the person that I am, that's always been inside of me. It'll always remind me to be true with myself.
But AD won't let me rush into it. He won't give me permission to get the tattoo until He decided I was ready. Which will take a couple of months. I wouldn't be surprised if I'd end up wishing to get it next year this time. - But I also like that He is watching out for me. That He cares and doesn't want me to get something I may regret in ten years time. As He so nicely put it: 'You've been with a guy for 6 1/2 years and thought you would marry him. That's about as serious as it gets, and you still broke up.' So no tattoo for me. Yet. I'll keep reminding Him, though :P
'Hey babe' - 'Hey. Made a decision on my tattoo yet, Sir?' Something along those lines :P
Doesn't explain why I named this blog post 'Wanderlust' though, does it?
The reason for that is that I am going to travel around a bit. I've always wanted to go to Australia and I've never done that. Or go to London again. Scotland. The USA. - I have some budget restraints, of course, but that's about it. Because I caught myself thinking 'well, you can't travel alone' and I was like 'why not?!' I am single. Yes. I don't have to make compromises, I am self-reliant and I have to answer only to myself. So why should that keep me from travelling? Of course I am scared. I am not a person to make friends easily. I am shy and I am distant and I have trouble befriending strangers. I am not like some friends of mine who just enter a pub and start a conversation and end up being friends with half of the pub. It's always something that bothered me, though. I'd like to be more open and communicative and be able to meet new people without wondering in advance if they'll like me or what I might say. And, goddamnit, just because I am single doesn't mean I can't do anything without friends! I have two friends that I could think of who might travel with me - both in a relationship. And neither of them the perfect fit because of different interests. So I'd end up making compromises again.
No.
I've decided to not let that stop me. I am single. And this is the perfect time to get to know new people. And even if I don't, I can travel another city alone and have fun. My fun does not depend on others. Simple as that.
Australia is quite a big shot, though. And I won't have the money to go there till next autumn, earliest. But I want to go somewhere now. - So I've decided to start easy. Go to London. I've been there already in 7th grade, but I don't remember much. I can get the flight and a B&B/hostel for 4-5 nights for less than 200€ already - and I think I'll go in November, the week after my birthday. It'll be a good trial - a fun city, not too far away, to find out if I am suited for travelling alone and how good at making new friends I am.
I'm excited!
I bought two travel guides for London and I will most likely spend the rest of my day going through them. I also bought one for hiking in Scotland - I think I'll do that next summer. With my dog.
I'm so excited! I'm open to new experiences, I want to explore things - I won't be held back by anyone, not even by myself!
xoxo
Kiwi
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